Isn't modern medicine a marvel? In less than an hour, I'll leave for the hospital to have a new fangled surgery done that will, in essence, give my insides the equivalent of a face lift.
Seems that no matter how gracefully we approach middle age on the outside, our insides tend to take their own route. And, for women who have borne children . . . well, let's just say that time and gravity pulls stuff down where it needn't be.
But never fear, modern medicine has found a way to open you up, lift everything back where it belongs and tack it up using a new kind of mesh. My doctor assures me that as an active woman, this is the best solution for me. They will simply open me up, pull all my stuff back up where it belongs and tack it to my sacral muscle using this revolutionary, new kind of mesh (that hardly anyone has had a reaction to so far).
I know, it's not a pretty picture, is it? I keep having visions of Mike digging through his tackle box for fishing line and a vinyl patch kit to repair a drooping awning. Of course, Mike uses a lot more gorilla glue for stuff these days so the vision is only fleeting.
Seriously though, wouldn't it be nice if we all had fairy godmother who could just wave her wand over us and everything would leap back into place? And even better would be a virtual PhotoShop fairy godmother who could run her wand around our waists and erase what we didn't want, add a little here, take a bunch away there, fix the bump in our nose and clone in some extra hair on our heads? No scalpels, no stitches - no catheters!
Oh yeah, that would be awesome!